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THOUGHTS...
Recovery
Letters about Recovery from online
friends...
October 13, 2003
I dedicate this part of my site to Stevie for all the love,
humility, and service through the years and for the many who have
asked how to get clean and sober. This part of my site is for
those who are still using and those who are not. All are
welcome.
Stevie and I got sober on the same day - October 13, 1986 --
seventeen years ago today. He died clean and sober. I
pick up a chip for him each year. He helped so many people. He
was so humble and deep, with so much compassion. He was a
beautiful spirit. We shared our journey into hell, and our new
journey into life. I will always miss him.
I am not a teacher or leader - the only leader we all have lives
inside of us. I do have a lot to share with you. If I
can help someone, all of this will be worthwhile. I’m sure you
have things to share with me that will help me.
Later on I will share more of my own story. Believe me, once
you hear it, it will give you hope. If I could make it out,
anyone can. When I hit my bottom, it was too terrifying and
dark for words to explain. I was broken so deeply, that no one could
put me together again. It is only by living through a higher
power which I chose to call God, that I can ever live at all.
I would like to talk about the first three steps, because they are
the foundation of the steps that follow. Working the steps is the
only way to ever change our life in such a way that we can live
clean and sober, and be free from the compulsion of using. I have
never seen anyone make it who has not worked these steps. Painful
but true.
Step 1: Admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and or drugs
and that our lives had become unmanageable.
I have heard it said that the only step we have to work perfectly is
the first half of the first step. I think this is true.
Until we accept the truth that we can never use like others, without
losing control, we can never even start the rest of the steps. It is
like building a house on water. For myself, this step was
clear from the beginning. All any of us have to do is look at
ourselves and see that our life is unmanageable. This is a very
painful moment. It seems there is nothing to stand on.
However, if we will go through this pain we will find our first
glimpse of hope. It is like fighting a war. One that
lasts for a long, long time. When we see that we have lost
this war, we don’t have to fight anymore. We got the shit
kicked out of us, so it’s over. Finally we can breathe and
take a rest. And find some contentment in knowing we don’t
have to fight anymore. But wait, that’s not all.
Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than
ourselves could restore us to sanity.
This is a step of hope, for when we find ourselves in a state of
being powerless, and being unable to manage our own lives, we have
to make a choice. At this point, there is one thing we have to
ask ourselves, am I willing to believe there is a power greater than
myself who can and will restore me to my sanity. It is just
willingness. That is all that is asked of us. Example:
When you look at a cat or dog, you realize that they can’t
understand many things we do. It is only the arrogance of
humans which can dismiss the possibilities of there being something
higher than ourselves. Just like us and the animals. There are
no demands or dogmas, here just a willingness on our part. That’s
all. This step will unfold in time. That power can be anything
you chose. That is up to you.
I can only hope that you will try to take this step. Like all the
remaining steps, it is beautiful and full of meaning. For me it was
a breath of fresh air. It meant there was hope for even me, who
could never find my way out of hell by myself.
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to
the care of God, as we understood him.
This is simply a decision. The remaining steps are the way we
carry out this decision. It is the decision to let go of our old
life which was mostly pain, and start a new life based on spiritual
principles. This doesn’t mean that we give up what we love,
but we let go of the things that hurt us over and over.
Remember, this is just a decision. Don’t do as I did for so
long thinking I had to surrender completely. This is the
willingness to do so. Out of this willingness comes some
wonderful things.
The first three steps go together as the foundation on which we can
start a new life. They are the way we resolve our life with God. If
you stated them more simply, they would be
1. I can’t.
2. He can.
3. I let him.
I think it is worth saying, when we use words like Him or even God,
we are using them out of convenience. I think we know that whatever
God is, he is not a man or woman. Maybe both. Maybe
neither. How should I know? I know what ever God is, it is beyond
description or any concept I might have. It doesn’t really
matter.
I know there are those who have a lot to share about these things I
have talked about. Please
send me your thoughts -- I read each
and every message. Maybe we can add some of your letters to this
page in the future to help lift and teach each other.
CLICK HERE to read some letters about
Recovery I've received from online friends...
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